Yesterday, my friend and I drove back to the city from upstate New York. The two of our girls took turns driving, with another guy friend in the car. Since we were responsible not just for ourselves but also for the safety of everyone in the car, I couldn’t help but feel a heightened sense of responsibility.
As I drove, I noticed the tension in my arms. Every time we encountered a bumpy road or a sudden gust of wind, the steering wheel would become unstable, and I had to grip it tightly to maintain control. I could feel my attention intensely focused on driving. This made me realize that driving is not just about operating a vehicle—it’s a responsibility. I had to take control of the direction and ensure the safety of those in the car.
This led me to reflect on why, in my home country, women are often perceived as being less skilled drivers than men. This perception seems to stem from the belief that driving is a man's responsibility. Some husbands even forbid their wives from driving, claiming, “You’re a woman, you won’t drive well.” There are countless jokes about female drivers but rarely any about male drivers. However, people overlook one crucial fact: men are often encouraged to drive more, which helps them improve their skills. Meanwhile, women, discouraged by these societal beliefs, get fewer opportunities to practice, leading to a lack of confidence and ultimately reinforcing the stereotype that they are not good drivers.
My father played a significant role in my journey of learning to drive. He never took over the wheel just because I was inexperienced. Instead, he encouraged me to practice more. Under his guidance, I became increasingly proficient—whether driving in the city or on the highway, I eventually reached a level where I could drive independently and steadily. Because of this, even when I came to the U.S. to study, I could quickly adapt to driving in a new system, despite not having my father, an experienced driver, sitting in the passenger seat to guide me. This made me realize that driving is not just a skill but also a way of taking responsibility for oneself and others.
I suddenly understood that true love is not about keeping someone in a protected bubble and taking away their agency. Instead, it is about encouraging them to develop their autonomy and learn to take responsibility for themselves—just like teaching a young wolf the skills to survive so that it can independently face the challenges of the wild. This kind of love makes people stronger rather than more dependent.
I believe this principle also applies to relationships between men and women. Society often expects men to take on more responsibilities, and as a woman, I do appreciate and admire men who willingly take on those responsibilities. However, it is crucial that this does not come at the expense of women’s independence. A truly healthy relationship is built on mutual independence and support, rather than one person relying entirely on the other.
Through this driving experience, I realized how responsibility, independence, and society’s gender expectations are intertwined. Driving is not just about getting from one place to another—it gave me insight into how we understand ourselves, empower ourselves, and take responsibility for both ourselves and others. This realization also made it clearer to me that true love and care do not come from stripping someone of their rights and responsibilities but rather from helping them grow and learn to live for themselves!
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